Book Ponder

Honest Parenting: Teaching Kids About Life’s Realities

Many kids grew up disappointed by their parents. They couldn’t understand why Dad was never home, and when he was, he was always too tired to play. The daughter wonders why Mom never comes to her volleyball games, yet some of her teammates have an entire crowd there to watch them.
Life isn’t fair, and watching kids learn about it the hard way is gut-wrenching.

While it’s not ideal to overwhelm young children with your problems, it’s also an opportunity to teach them about the real world.

Instead of lying to your kids about being at their games, be honest and tell them your work schedule. Then, promise to be there when on the games when you are off. This shifts the responsibility to the parent; it just requires you to stick to your word.

The next time your kid asks you to play catch, be honest and tell them you can’t because your back hurts from work. Instead of saying no, offer an alternative, like playing video games together or watching a movie. Kids usually want to spend time with you, regardless of what it is.

Turning “No” Into Growth: Identifying What Needs to Change

Reflecting on why you say no to your kids is a great road map to making changes. If you can’t play catch with your kids because your job leaves you too tired, find out why. Is it because you’re staying up late, scrolling on your phone instead of getting more sleep? Is it because you have let yourself go physically? This may differ for everyone, but determining why you are saying no to your kids is the best indicator of what to change.

Leading by Example: Honesty, Growth, and Breaking the Cycle

If your kids see that the reasons you aren’t as available have nothing to do with them, it is because Dad or Mom had to work two jobs to keep food on the table, or your health is deteriorating from lifelong unhealthy habits. Being honest will teach them and allow them to learn from your mistakes.

When they have children, they will remember why you weren’t available and try to remedy the situation. They will face challenges but know never to lie to their kids.

You only live once, and setting your children up to be better parents than you doesn’t mean you should give up on becoming a great parent. You will always be their Dad or Mom, but it’s never too late to make a change.

Further Reading

Book Ponder focuses on the incredible power of reading, and even though stand-alone articles like these are unique ideas, I like to credit any books that inspired or gave me the resources for the idea.

My idea for this post came from a section in Ryan Holiday’s book “The Daily Dad”.

It’s about Angela Merkel’s father lying to his family instead of being honest.

It took a toll on his family. ‘The worst was when he said he would be right back,” Merkel later reflected, ‘but then it took hours for him to return.’ Often she would find herself waiting for hours in the street, expecting him home at any minute, always to be disappointed.

Ryan Holiday in The Daily Dad Pg. 89

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